I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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