If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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