Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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