what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
