Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
