Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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