I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
