It's Friday. Sex?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
