i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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