Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
