This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
this boner is exhausting
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
soo... how was my night?
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