So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
