lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
