is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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