the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
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