I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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