the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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