Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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