KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
