i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
