Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
