I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just cut my nipple shaving
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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