God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
