Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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