I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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