Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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