like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
My ATM looks so different sober.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
