Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
