***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
