fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
