I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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