Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
