i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We need to get me chipped asap
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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