I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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