she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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