Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
