I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
