the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
