You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
