You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
