doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
