Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
