The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
