I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
