Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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