i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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