If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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