Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
