it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
