A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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